Some days... are just like that

When I think a lot. When disappointments threaten to turn into despair. When realisations strike me that must be shared, or at the very least, scribbled somewhere, if only to be read later and laughed at.

So, my big thought:

When I make a friend, I invite that person into my life. To see me in all my moodiness and whimsical behaviour, to know what makes me tick. I learn in turn. About what brings a frown or a laugh. And what must never ever be said.

Perhaps that is the reason why, when a friendship goes astray, I feel like a little part of me is gone as well. That although I will certainly move on, an irreversible change has just occured and a gap in my otherwise neatly chaotic world has been created which can be filled perhaps but never perfectly.

I think sometimes, do the people I have lost feel the same way? And in a twist of circular logic, do they wonder if I wonder about them?

Mixed Feelings..

My world is going merry-go-round. I just don't have a single clue for the happening. I was supposed to 'hang out' with my buddies(My PG friends) today which I did not attend to because I do not feel right about myself today. Since yesterday night, my feelings got mixed up.

It has been two months and a week. Until today, I was always on the run, doing something to keep myself occupied. I ignored the consequences. I pushed everything forward. I put myself on a full throttle. However, I could not fill in the blanks for today's time slot. The day is dull and my thoughts fly back to "My Dreamworld". I'm missing them - the ones that truly care for me.

Feeilng so helpless....

Sometimes, you want something so bad, you can't breathe when the desire hits you, overwhelms you. You feel trapped, cornered, because that is all you can feel with every fibre of your being.

I crack a joke, try to think of the work at hand. It is of no use: my mind is stuck with a picture, and I reach for songs that intensify the feeling. I try looking heavenward, wondering if prayers and selfish motives ever overlap.

Affirmations, willpower, The Secret - hell, I'd try anything.

I can understand now, why some people can risk everything on a turn of dice, especially when the losings pile up.

The ironies of life....

are such!

When you want a conversation, everyone will be busy.

When you need to be alone, people will seek you out.

When you want to keep a low profile, your private news becomes everyone's business.

Then, I decide to double cross Murphy.

I keep quiet, when I want to speak out. The silence works much better than an outburst would.

I smile when I am at my angriest. The argument ends without any permanent damage.

And sometimes, when I realise, I am not strong enough to bend will against instinct, I stay alone.

A quick thought....

I think I finally wore myself out with everything over the past month and now I can happily say, I have nothing...besides family and work... Yay! That's a good thing! I feel a slight freedom!
My plate doesn't seem quite so full! I still have many things to do actually.
Okay...I'm so sleepy my eyes are burning. I had a bit of a crappy night last night...literally...I'm sleepy but decided to pop in and say hello. Since I promised myself I would be good and go to bed early.I'll make this post kind of quick! I was a bit under the weather yesterday and my head still feels a little stuffy.
I think sleep is the best medicine! : )
Have a great week! Thanks for checking in!

Best Wishes..
rAsHmI...

"I'm not myself tonight"

Dis song is stuck in my head lately.
I dont know if its because I want to be living that song or if I somewhat am... hard to tell anymore.

So much playing on my mind lately, SOO much.
Between my job, my house, my relationship, my lifes general direction ... this list goes on.

Sometimes I just feel like saying to everyone "The old me is gone, I feel brand new and if you dont like it FUCK YOU" because that truely is where I think I am in my little cross road. I'm pretty tired of being the old me, and want to become the new me who oddly enough is the old me before the new me became who she is????? I dont think anyone followed what I was trying to say there.
Basically, I want this new me to be the old old me again.

Have some really big things going on in my life right now, very complicated things and a few fun things.

Oh well, I guess its a matter of wait n see for right now.

Livin Life

Just trying to live a life of no regrets >_< and doing it in hyper crazy fun mode:)