Mixed Feelings..

My world is going merry-go-round. I just don't have a single clue for the happening. I was supposed to 'hang out' with my buddies(My PG friends) today which I did not attend to because I do not feel right about myself today. Since yesterday night, my feelings got mixed up.

It has been two months and a week. Until today, I was always on the run, doing something to keep myself occupied. I ignored the consequences. I pushed everything forward. I put myself on a full throttle. However, I could not fill in the blanks for today's time slot. The day is dull and my thoughts fly back to "My Dreamworld". I'm missing them - the ones that truly care for me.

Feeilng so helpless....

Sometimes, you want something so bad, you can't breathe when the desire hits you, overwhelms you. You feel trapped, cornered, because that is all you can feel with every fibre of your being.

I crack a joke, try to think of the work at hand. It is of no use: my mind is stuck with a picture, and I reach for songs that intensify the feeling. I try looking heavenward, wondering if prayers and selfish motives ever overlap.

Affirmations, willpower, The Secret - hell, I'd try anything.

I can understand now, why some people can risk everything on a turn of dice, especially when the losings pile up.

The ironies of life....

are such!

When you want a conversation, everyone will be busy.

When you need to be alone, people will seek you out.

When you want to keep a low profile, your private news becomes everyone's business.

Then, I decide to double cross Murphy.

I keep quiet, when I want to speak out. The silence works much better than an outburst would.

I smile when I am at my angriest. The argument ends without any permanent damage.

And sometimes, when I realise, I am not strong enough to bend will against instinct, I stay alone.